Saturday, April 30, 2011

No Reason Is Needed For Loving

The pretext of this Post's Paolo Coehlo quote goes:  "One is loved because one is loved."

Coehlo is a Brazilian novelist and lyricist who has touched billions of souls in the universe, albeit if you know his life story, Coehlo was institutionalized by his parents at least 3 times, before he even reached the age of 20 years old.  The third book in his inimitable career is none other than The Alchemist.  If you have not been as fortunate as I am to have chanced upon this magnificent fable, I recommend it to be a MUST-READ in this lifetime.  
Like many of us, his first attempts at writing and dreaming to become a writer, was beset with a series of setbacks.  His failures in life never stopped Coehlo to pursue what his heart desires.  The Alchemist, allows the readers to vicariously acquire the power of listening to our hearts and to seek our own Personal Legends.   Coehlo's style is simple, its beauty is the simplicity itself.  I have read books with over a thousand pages and this book is not even 200 pages, but each page you savour, for they are filled with timeless wisdom that is not only fulfilling to the dreamers, but awakens the dreamer within us.  It is about venturing and searching, only to find that wherever your heart is, that is where you will find your greatest treasure.
I chose one of Coehlo's famous quotes pulled out from The Alchemist mainly because I see the world today to be made up of people who tend to rationalize and intellectualize life's ageless emotion.  LOVE.
I am beginning to think there are fewer and fewer people who believe in love.  Love's potency, power, constancy.  
What can LOVE do that can not be done by all the other forces of the universe?  Let me quote: 
"When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too." 
I hate to say it but people have become so cynical and jaded about love, mainly because of the unwillingness to give up their egos, and the potential risk of pain, suffering and getting hurt. What can be so hard to throw oneself away for the sake of a moment of happiness, happiness you have sought for, in an entire lifetime?  Isn't it that when we try to avoid that moment, that is precisely the time when we feel so much pain?  Can you embrace the fact that whilst we have individual bodies, our souls are not designed to be alone?  Why deprive your soul of its nature?  Alas, we tend to forget, we are NOT a body with a soul, but we are a soul with a body.
We opened our eyes to a world full of material trappings and conflicting belief systems, we grow up fearful and distrusting of others, even of our own selves.  We embrace power and fame over faith and love purely on the basis that it makes more business sense and seems much more pragmatic and purposeful.
Reading Coehlo's Books have kept my search for life's true meaning and the pursuit of my dreams, more daring and determined.  He has allowed me to hold on to the fundamental truth that all the power I need in this world, lies within me.  And those that are infinitely precious and can not be taken away from me, lies within my soul.

"In love, no one can harm anyone else; we are each of us responsible for our own feelings and cannot blame someone else for what we feel. It hurt when I lost each of the various men I fell in love with. Now, though, I am convinced that no one loses anyone, because no one owns anyone. That is the true experience of freedom: having the most important thing in the world without owning it." 

The Top 10 Inimitable Traits of Hypocrites

Hypocrisy is a STATE of the HEART, which is expressed by DOUBLE-FACED ACTIONS.*
Actions are behaviours; behaviours are actions displayed by an individual in response to its environment or to a stimuli; ergo, whether good or bad, it is how you see a person act.
Let's try Wiki,  for simplicity: 
"Hypocrisy is the act of condemning another person for an act of which the critic is guilty"'s Definition:
1. The practice of professing beliefs, feelings, or virtues that one does not hold or possess; falseness.2. An act or instance of such falseness.
Let's go to our list.
  1. They have a discrepancy with what they have in their heart and what is on their lips.  Their words/pronouncements and actions do not match.
  2. They hide the truth.  They are untruthful to themselves and to others.
  3. They create hostility and mischief by saying one thing to one person and another to another person, neither of them being the truth.
  4. When asked or confronted about their actions and that they may be causing hostility and chaos with other people, they say they are just trying to do good for other people.
  5. When they are asked to believe in something and have faith, they casually reply:  "Do I Look stupid?"
  6. They prefer to keep their eyes closed, ears deaf and heart locked than see the truth, the reality.  When they argue, they are unjust.
  7. They are without wisdom and understanding of reality.  They much prefer to live in a world of self-deception.
  8. They lie.  So, they are restless and without peace.
  9. They change with whoever they are with and try to please everyone.
  10. They like being lost and refuse guidance, deliberately staying away from the truth.
Are you a Hypocrite?  Are we all Hypocrites?  
Do you present yourself as honest, upright and moral to the degree that you are willing to put others down and critique them for not having the same values ... when in fact you are no where near what you pretend to be?
Are you arrogant at the very least and most likely a narcissist? 
Do you believe that you are smarter, more creative and completely superior to humanity as a whole?
Can honest people be Hypocritical at times?   But aren't all the hypocrites condemned and criticized?  
Given this paradox, don't you find it a tad hypocritical for any of us to consider ourselves  pure enough to judge someone else as a hypocrite?
Is it possible that there are NON-HYPOCRITES that have LESS INTEGRITY than certain types of hypocrites?  
In the Psychology of Hypocrisy, whilst we have a wealth of definitions from numerous sources, there has been no analysis of INTERNAL hypocrisy, that which lies within the self.
However, I chanced upon a journal that painstakingly evaluated and probed the Psychology of Hypocrisy.  I uncovered a quite interesting Matrix, understanding the whole abstract through The Matrix of Hypocrisy.

                  Hypocrisy Matrix*

                  Stated beliefs contradict actions. Stated beliefs are consistent with   Internal actual beliefs.
                  Stated beliefs contradict actions. Stated beliefs are NOT consistent with Internal actual beliefs.
                  Internal actual beliefs contradict actions. Internal actual beliefs, if stated, are stated honestly.
                  Internal actual beliefs contradict actions. Internal actual beliefs are NOT consistent with stated beliefs.

                  See here, this is the crux of the issue.
                  • Are we 100% certain of the things we believe in and can we really honestly say that everything we think, say and do are 100% consistent with our belief system?
                  • Can we honestly claim that 100% of the time, we are willing to sacrifice our needs and inherent desires to our belief, so we always make the right choices and act accordingly?
                  • Do we always try our best to conform our actions to our beliefs or do we justify our actions by conforming our belief system, because our beliefs are flawed to begin with?

                  Isn't it tragic that it is so easy for us to condemn and criticize imperfections of others, unless we truly believe we are perfect enough, albeit we are only using our own beliefs and our own situation as the standard?
                  Do you have enough faith in yourself that you know we are all hypocrites to a certain extent?
                  Of course, the challenge to humans to deal with hypocrisy will take a lifetime, or perhaps will never end.  

                  What's my take away?
                  • Maybe it is best not to condemn hypocrites but to recognize them and learn from their mistakes, not to judge them, but to judge myself.
                  • Having recognized my own hypocrisy, I should congratulate myself for now I know the virtue which I pretend to have but have not the courage to acquire and sustain with my actions.  I don't want to achieve perfection.  I just want to be better.
                  • I will learn to accept life's valuable lessons, even if the vessel of the message or the messenger is a hypocrite.  For the value of an idea has nothing to do whatsoever with the sincerity of the person expressing it.
                  • Even if I manage to get myself rid of all my hypocrisy, I will do everything humanly possible not to speak of people I dislike.  Because i have a bias and would tend to speak rather unfairly.
                  • I would rather be an honest hypocrite than lie about my imperfections, and make an honest effort towards the improvement of my limitations and shortcomings.

                   So, open your heart; look for the good, and welcome them into the fold, for whom among us is not a hypocrite? The story is told of a traveller who happened to meet Buddha. Never before had he seen someone radiating so much peace and compassion. Stunned, he asked, "What are you? Are you a heavenly being?" "No," replied Buddha. "Are you a holy man?" asked the traveller. "No," said Buddha. "Well, then," the traveler persisted, "are you an ordinary man?" "No," said Buddha. "What, then, are you?" asked the traveller. "Awake," replied Buddha.
                  Let’s lead our lives in such a fashion that if anyone ever asks us, "Are you a hypocrite?" we would be able to reply, "No, I’m awake." 

                  Be the witness of your thoughts.
                  *from the Quoran
                  *White paper of Lonnie Lee

                  Wednesday, April 20, 2011

                  The Hottest Men in Hollywood (and Sports) I Would Kiss

                  I found the idea of doing this Post through a lovely and sweet Blog sister of mine, Kim, of My Inner Bitch.  And because it is Easter Weekend and people are puttering around preparing sweet delights like chocolates and candies, why don't we talk about delectable eye-candy across Hollywood?  I added extra hot spices on this dish by including scorching men in Sports.

                  Here's my List:
                  HUGH JACKMAN (of course)

                  RYAN REYNOLDS

                  IAN SOMERHALDER

                  BRAD PITT

                  DANIEL CRAIG

                  JAKE GYLLENHAAL

                  MICHAEL OWEN
                  STEVEN GERARD
                  CRISTIANO RONALDO
                  FERNANDO TORRES
                  And RUGBY .... phew!
                  DANIEL CONN

                  And what about you my dear lady friends (oh my gentlemen friends, you can go right ahead and make your own eye-candy list!), who are in your list?

                  Happy Easter everyone!

                  Thursday, April 14, 2011

                  How To Lose A Guy, Quickly

                  Do you have a stalker?  Do you have a raving "fanatic" admirer you have dumped but has the tenacity of a pit bull terrier?  Have you just broken up with someone and moved on with your life, but you can't seem to get rid of this idiot who thinks you are making a mistake and that your brain is just lapsing into a black hole?  Have you just met someone that you tried to be nice and pleasant (translate, not rude) with, because you thought for a nanosecond, (in the comfort of a dark Club and a couple of Martinis), he may be interesting; but you realized, when the sun was out and the alcohol has completely been washed out of your system, that being nice was a terrible, terrible mistake?  Then the wisdom you will get from this post is meant for you!
                  However, if you are happily taken, crazy in love, or living in bliss with your soul mate, just read on, for the sake of good times.  
                  I reckon people might misconstrue me to be an anal-retentive bitch, given that most of my posts are laden with  philosophical ramblings; on the contrary, I am 25% quirky and 25% cheeky.  The balance 50% gets equally distributed across the different neuroses I have.
                  Moving on, let me give you, desperate girls, a couple of HOW TO's that guarantee to have those infatuated jerks hounding you, drop like dead flies in no time.  Like they say, if you can't weed them out, smoke 'em out!   
                  • Grow a lot of BODY HAIR, fast! And when they grow, keep them where they are.  Don't shave, don't wax.  It is totally euro-cosmopolitan.  Why?  There are not a lot of men who can stand women who have more hair growth than they do.  If you can swing it, grow a beard!
                  • Forget all your decent hygiene habits.  Be stinky and dirty.  Eat a lot of garlic, anchovies and cheese pizza, and forget to brush your teeth for three (3) days, then meet up with this dude for a date.  Bad breath, body odour, unwashed hair, dirty wardrobe, just be a total slob!  Isn't the oily, blotchy, pimply face simply annoying?  Lard it up! If you are living with family, warn them that you are doing a behavioural research on "tolerance", or say whatever crap you can get away with. 
                  • Be clingy.  Be needy.  Be constantly tearing up and insecure.  Tell him you realized how wrong you are for dumping him, then leave silly notes on his car, send him text messages every 5 minutes to tell him how much you miss him; then send him an e-mail greeting card every 30 minutes.  Diversify your message with: I love you; You're So Hot; I miss you; I'm thinking of You; or the totally pathetic, "Do you know what I am thinking about now?"  Go for it, be creative with your sweet nothings; the more, the merrier.  If he doesn't reply to your text messages or emails,  call him on his mobile, or office line, or home line.   Then CRY.  Tell him it seems that he does not love you anymore. Throw a tantrum.  Guys just love that!
                  • Be an attention-seeker, wherever and whenever you are with him, or even without him.  Be loud and lewd when you are with him.  Don't forget to dress inappropriately.  In public restaurants, try to take as many pictures of both of you, or better yet, just you.  Give him your mobile phone so he can snap a picture.
                  • Acquire the Princess Syndrome, if you still aren't one.  Be an overnight high maintenance bee-yatch.  Demand expensive presents, night outs, Spa treatments, new shoes, clothes, bags, diamonds, Caribbean vacations, all charged against his account.  The key word is DEMAND, don't ask, just get it.  If he complains, tell him you deserve all the high-end things.  After all, you're a Princess.
                  • Be an all-time flirt.  A fail-safe turn-off.  Flirt.  With everyone.  Better yet, flirt with his friends.  Publicly display your affection with him and his friends.  If you can do this simultaneously, you are getting there! 
                  • Be flaky.  Be consistent with your inability to commit to anything.  Say "Fine", "Whatever" and "Maybe" after every other sentence when he talks to you.  If he cracks a joke, stare at him.  After about 30 minutes, whilst he is talking about something totally different, laugh out loud.  Slap his back and tell him his joke was totally hilarious!  If he asks you about things you have planned about, pretend it's the first time you heard it.  If this doesn't work, just say, "Maybe", Whatever" or "Whatev."
                  • Change everything about him.  You have to be very firm here; complain about his hair, his clothes, his scent, his shoes, his car, his friends.  Tell him to change all that. If he likes action movies, bring him to chick flicks.  Whimper if he disagrees. Tell him you don't like his office, his job, even his career.  And that if he really loves you, he will change everything.  Talk to him about all your previous ex-boyfriends or ex-lovers.  Compare and attack his flaws. Convince him to believe that he should really be better if he wants you in his life.  If you want the ultimate, force him to choose Priority Number One among his friends, his car, his toys and you. 
                  • Get a full body tattoo.  Don't hold back. (Listen, use henna, the temporary ink.  Don't do this if you're dead serious about body marks and piercing.)  Call him and surprise him with a total new look. 

                  • If all these fail, try the ultimate.  Pick your wedgie in public.  Remember to fix it every time you are out with him, in public.  Make sure he sees that you are picking it.  If he stares at you in disapproval, snort.

                  On the rare occasion that this stalker/admirer of yours hangs on and still adores the ground you walk on, either you marry him or call 911.  This dude needs professional help,  the sooner, the better.

                  Friday, April 8, 2011


                  In 1971, Philip Zimbardo, led an experiment popularly labelled as the Stanford Prison Experiment.  This study raises the fundamental question about human nature.  Their empirical theory was to test whether there is a possibility that average, healthy, intelligent and even good people, can become perpetrators of evil, when placed in certain situations that will encourage aberrant behaviours.

                  The study was pulled out prematurely (initially designed as a 2-week long study, the experiment was terminated in six days); and other initiatives to duplicate it have been discouraged with the exception of a few, because of ethical reasons.  Albeit most of the succeeding studies only substantiated what was already concluded from the Zimbardo experiment.  Even the "best of us" can be coerced into becoming evil and perform evil acts under the right social circumstances.
                  Doesn't this make you think?  Are you of the belief that people are naturally good unless proven otherwise, or otherwise?  Do you know yourself enough to say you would never allow yourself to behave according to the circumstances?  Are you a "cut above the rest"?
                  Are you immune to societal pressures and peer influences? Do you trust yourself enough to behave in accordance to what is deemed acceptable and respectable, even in the most trying, dire times?  Do you allow yourself to be a victim of circumstances or are you able to rise above it, and manage it at all times?
                  Are you familiar with the "evil of inaction"?  This is the new concept of evil in our current times; these are actions that support the perpetrators of evil, despite the knowledge of the wrong-doing, there is no action to challenge it.  
                  I am reminded of my Catholic education under the Jesuits; the sin of Commission, and the Sin of Omission.  Either way, it's a sin.
                  Do you know why it is called the Lucifer Effect?  According to the Bible, Lucifer is one of the preferred angels, but he chose to defy and challenge God's authority.  The study correlated its results to behaviours of people at war, of any type,  where man justify being inhumane to other men just because.

                  I still believe, there are a few, rare and far between though, ordinary people in our midst, who refuse to yield to the power of social influence.  It should be a tough ride to always choose to do the right thing; as some people would consider what is right, is wrong according to their own needs and perceptions. There are people who choose to take a stand and resist, the heroes and heroines; the ordinary "whistle-blower"; the guy who chose to stop and lend a helping hand; the people ready to do the right thing when the situation demands for it.
                  I end this post with a question, when the time comes for you to act as hero, are you willing to take it on?