Sign Up Now: SPECIAL CLASSES FOR MEN and WOMEN

I recently received from a colleague friend a very interesting Training Curriculum, designed specifically to address Special Needs of Men and Women. When I browsed through the list, I can't help but recognize how insanely spot on are the Topics and Offerings.  The Battle of the Sexes rages on in the education milieu, 21st century version.  Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose.

Let me lay down a fair playing field,  the Classes for the "better man" first, then Classes for Men.
CLASSES FOR WOMEN:

  
Topic 1. Silence, the Final Frontier:  Where No Woman Has Gone Before (Seriously?)
  
Topic 2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits (Withdrawals are easier)
  
Topic 3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits (Simply Rubbish!)
  
Topic 4. Bathroom Etiquette: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too (quite Interesting topic, very new concept)
  
Topic 5. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First (My core competence)
  
Topic 6. Communication Skills II: Getting What you Want Without Nagging (Really? New methodologies that work, I mean really work?))
  
Topic 7. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire (I hate this, I race cars!)
  
Topic 8. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up (Nonsense!)
  
Topic 9. Classic Footwear: Wearing Shoes You Already Have (Won't enrol here)
  
Topic 10. Oil and Petrol: Your Car Needs Both (I just really play dumb...)

NEW EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN. ALL ARE WELCOME! OPEN TO MEN ONLY! (hahahaha ... sorry can't help seeing HOW totally redundant this sounds!)
  
Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty of their contents, each course will accept a maximum of ONLY eight participants per Class.
  
Topic 1. How To Fill Ice-cube Trays. Step By Step With Slide Presentation. (Should be easy enough, huh?)
  
Topic 2. Toilet Paper Rolls: Do They Grow On The Holders?  Round-Table Discussion. (Sequence could have been based on increasing level of difficulty, hmmm...)
  
Topic 3. Differences Between The Laundry Basket And The Floor.  Pictures And Very Simple Explanatory Graphics. (Yeah, I can now see how difficult the topics are)
  
Topic 4. Learning How To Find Things, Starting With Looking in the Right Place Instead of Turning the House Upside Down While Screaming.  Open Forum. Question and Answer. (this should have a Module 1 and 2 like the Communication for women.  Just sayin'.)
  
Topic 5. Health Watch: Bringing Her Flowers Is NOT Harmful To Your Health.  Graphics,  Audio Tape with FREE Interactive DVD for your Home Theatre.  (Nice touch on the free DVD)
  
Topic 6. Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost.  Real-Life Testimonials. Prominent Sports Personalities have been Invited as Guest Speakers. (they found Speakers for Testimonials???)
  
Topic 7. Is it Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly As She Parallel Parks? Driving Simulation.  (Must not miss Course!)
  
Topic 8. Learning To Live: Basic Differences Between Mother And Wife.  Online class and Role Playing. Self-Assessment Survey at End of Topic. (Love the Role Playing method...)
  
Topic 9. How To Be The Ideal Shopping Companion.  Relaxation exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques. (Again, this should be designed in 4 Modules instead of just one!)
  
Topic 10. How To Fight Cerebral Atrophy: Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries, Other Important Dates, Tasks, And Calling When You're Going To Be Late.  Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions.  (My all-time favourite!) 

A Commitment To Peace and Idealism

Alfred Bernhard Nobel was better known as a Swedish Chemist, Innovator and Engineer.  His most renowned work is the dynamite. He previously owned a manufacturing facility that held 355 patents of cannons and other armaments.  When he passed in 1895, he bequeathed his enormous fortune to institutionalize the Nobel Peace Prizes. 
Today, we all know that the Nobel Peace Prize is an international Peace prize awarded annually by the Norwegian Nobel Committee in accordance to the guidelines laid out in Alfred Nobel's last will and testament.The Peace Prize is one of the five prizes that have been awarded annually since 1901.  It is today, by far, the most prestigious international prize that will go to "whoever that have done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations; for the abolition and reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotions of peace congresses." 

Individuals like Gorbachev, the 14th Dalai Lama, Mandela, Walesa, Mother Teresa, Kissinger, Martin Luther King; or organizations such as, The United Nations, the ILO, are among the prominent and respectable winners that have been granted the Nobel Peace Prize.
110 years and 91 awards later, the Nordic country that houses the Norwegian Nobel Committee on Peace was badly terrorized.  Shattered, shaken and badly traumatized, the Norwegians defiantly stand together to seek peace amidst the rubble and pain of loss.
The man behind the terror is a 32 year old, local who holds a 1,500 page manifesto of his delusional war plan and rants against the Muslims. In the world of the Norwegians, they struggle with the concept that the Al-Qaeda, at least, has not breached their unruffled lives.

Our world is full of irony, such contrariness never ceases to amaze me. I have always looked upon Norway as placid and uncluttered.  It is not surprising that they move on with their regular lives soon after their worst nightmare has struck. Yes, they do mourn, and weep, and lament the death of their sons and daughters.  But unlike other nations' usual total brazenness and agitated reactions, the Norwegians choose to keep their "hot" spots to be tidy without excessive security.  They are shocked that such acts of atrocities have come from amongst their tight communities.  Yet from this same community, they seek comfort and healing. 
I am deeply saddened by the fact that someday, soon, they might wake up and realize that the world is not about Nobel Peace Prizes and innovations, but instead, that it is a tempestuous, turbulent place brimming with hatred and war-infested people.There are very few countries in our world where you find citizens going out on a limb to help out their neighbours in distress; or those who choose restrained tranquillity in the face of torment or unjustifiable attacks.  
I humbly bow my head in prayer that the Norwegian people keep their dignified heads up high, and continue to embrace peace in their hearts and homes, like they always did. Whilst we all know that no person, race, country or religion is spared from humanity's abomination and contempt for each other, we also know that we all have hearts that pump the same blood, lungs that breath the same air and brains that hold the same neurons that signals the rest of our body to act and respond. 
Then again, why do we choose to use the same faculties and threads of humanness to hurt, to impale to judge and to kill?  If we have totally run out of beliefs and values, we could at least keep on believing that we are all still human. 

The Seven Kinds of Sex - Survey Said

Now that I have this latest fascination with Surveys, I found out based on a recent survey, that there are actually Seven (7) Kinds of Sex:


The first kind is called the "SMURF SEX."  
This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.


The 2nd kind of sex is called the "KITCHEN SEX."
This is when you have been with your partner for a relatively short time, you are so needy that you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.


The 3rd kind of sex is called the "BEDROOM SEX."
This is when you have been with your partner for some time, your sex has gone to become a little bit routine, and you usually have sex only in the bedroom.


The 4th kind of sex is called the "HALLWAY SEX."
This is when you have been with you partner for too long.  You pass each other on the hallway, and you both say "Screw You!"


The 5th kind of Sex is called "RELIGIOUS SEX."
Which means you get NUN in the morning, NUN in the afternoon, and NUN at night.  (Very popular)


The 6th kind of Sex is called the "COURTROOM SEX."
This is when you cannot stand each other anymore, your spouse/partner decides to take you to court and screws you in front of everyone.


And lastly, the 7th kind of Sex is called the "SOCIAL SECURITY SEX."
You get a little each month, but not enough to enjoy yourself.


Please do not comment to tell me what stage you are in. I have enough problems of my own.

Survey Said* - Believe It or Not

So I was browsing a couple of old files and cleaning up my Folders. And I found this file on a fairly recent survey done in Europe. The Ideal Woman Survey  
Fine so they surveyed the guys in Europe. And the link leads you to a French site.

But listen, let me go to that.
It actually made me smile to think how much a lot of women go through so much pain, to gain the much coveted title of the "Ideal" if not, the "Perfect" Woman. If you want a quasi-quantitative evidence to support this claim, try Google Query and search all the related articles on Beauty, Fashion, Hair, Make-up, Diet, Skin Care, yada yada, yada.  Why does it sell?  The business of promising beauty is bullish and growing. It's become sickening to see the proliferation of young female teenagers to get so sucked up into this trend.  Having seen up close the teenagers growing in L.A., its fashionable to be diagnosed as clinically anorexic.
Now, the Poll was conducted by Harris Interactive, analysed by Gerard Mermet; they reported the findings in response to the question: "Describe "la femme idéale".  And these are the incredible results!

First:  57% want the woman to have a Sense of Humour.  She must love to laugh! Of course, what can life be if you crack a joke and it swooshes pass her head.  Not even a drop-dead gorgeous smile can cure that one after the first date.
Second: 41% want her to be cultured, well-bred; proper. After all, these are European men they asked. I bet it really matters to them. 
Third: 35% want the woman to be tender and loving. I reckon they mean tenderness, and not necessarily to mean a "bimbo in distress". I would dare say they love their women to be thoughtful and caring.
Fourth: 25% want their women to be elegant. She has to have her distinct style, nothing too forward, simple but classy. Need I remind you, the Poll was conducted in Europe, okay?
Fifth: brace yourself, 29% (yes, higher than 25%) to be confident, open and sexually liberated. Sexual freedom is deemed paramount as part of the ideal female contour.


And, Only 8% said they want the ideal woman to be thin! Now who wants to scrape the bottom of the barrel?  Thin?  hahaha ... lot less to love.


I suspect the percentages may vary from region to region, continents to continents. 
A related study, this time participated by men from various Regions but are in Europe during the poll, showed a high 58% to the attribute of Intellectual Independence as a key value in the seductive power of women. A very strong second value at 46% to tenderness and 29% to sexual freedom, confidence and openness.



All these attributes are seen by men across the globe to be of value and importance to their concept of the "Ideal Woman" than the sacrosanct issue of thinness or the perfect face and figure.


Let me just put this survey in context.  Men were asked about the ideal woman. Being totally hot and sexy is not in the realm of "ideal", but it does not say, that men will not find these traits to be attractive nor does it say, they will not gawk and drool when they see a nice pair of buns or breasts. Trust me, they will. However, that's not for the "perfect" woman they want to share the rest of their life with  If you have it, that's gravy.. 
Having said that my dear friends (and stalkers), all these superficial trappings, 'Girdles' and 'Concealers' will not make any of us "ideal" to anyone for that matter. Work on the smarts and the confidence.  And if by chance you end up somewhere in Europe, throw 
your head back when you laugh, eat, drink and live a little!

Sometimes, When It Rains

Raindrops drown my tears

Painful thoughts stabbing my heart

Let darkness hide me.

A music plays on

Each sad note a hollow beat

The rhythm is missed.

"The darkest hour of the night comes just before dawn." - Coehlo, The Alchemist

Flirting - An Art, A Sport, An Instinct

Everyone flirts.  It is a basic instinct and is part of human nature.  Well that's how I take it as a lifetime student of the social sciences.  Some oddly revolutionary behaviourists even believe that "flirting" is the foundation of civilization; they argue that the achievements of man from the purest art form to rocket science is merely a side effect of our ability to charm.

How is to FLIRT defined?

flirt 

  vb 

1 intr to behave or act amorously without emotional commitment; toy or play with another's affections; dally

I find it quite interesting to see that indeed there are so many Self-Help guides and eHow Tips on Flirting when it is supposed to be a natural, daily activity of human beings. Well let's face it, there are "unwritten" rules on the fine etiquette of flirting and however tangled, by instinct, we all behave around the basic parameters on where, when, in what manners and with whom do we flirt.  I consider these rather eccentric and amusing.  We realize to our greatest dismay, when we breach the fine prints of this unwritten rule book, that this can result to considerable embarrassment. (I am happy to have an honest 100% success batting average, just sayin'.)  Confusing societal norms, particularly true in cultures like North America and Britain, where the term "flirting" has oddly acquired a very bad meaning; can render everyone clueless in the playing field, and you could either end up with your signals misread or read the others signals wrongly. 
Fundamentally, we shouldn't lose sight of the fact that flirting is a fine art since it is all about attitude, style, finesse' and panache'. It is also a sport because of the element of play, risks, fun, adventure, and above all, practice.  At the end of the day, however you argue with me, the victor in the flirting arena lands a score.
The more important question then should be, how does one increase his/her chances of success and triumph?  
Well for starters, some people flirt for the fun of it.  And if you are just looking for fun, then there are no hard and fast rules on the best ways to  successfully flirt.  The more you break the rules, the more fun you get.
However, if you flirt with intent, then we move to the Idiot's Guide to Flirting.
I am really better on How Not To Tips than How To's. So here is my sure-fire simple Guide on How To Be An Epic Fail Flirt.

• The Attitude. Be an uncool nervous wreck. "Jitters" all the way. Sweat excessively, shake uncontrollably, stutter and stammer your first lines on contact.  Sweaty hands and clammy fingers are the best handshakes. At least 2% will fall for this.  Mostly people within the same level of attractiveness like yourself.  I am sure you can't look that bad.
• The Pick-Up-Line. Experts claim this never really worked.  'Nuff said. I suggest - Be creative. Try something new and fresh like, "Excuse me, but you have a Beep on your nose"; "What?"; Reach up and squeeze his/her nose, then go .."BEEP!"
• The Eye Contact.  Well I can understand why everyone in the game would love to check out and see the entire merchandise. Thus, for the men; ogle and drool at the decolette', cleavage and derrière'; for the women, look at him straight in the eye, then down to his neck, slowly down to his chest, belt and crotch, and stay there, stare. Even if you are already having a conversation, just stare - there.
• The "Touch". Look, why bother with a subtle, preening touch when you can grope?  Grab all the sexy parts you can, on every opportunity you get, and squeeze it to show your appreciation.
• The Drink.(for the ladies, yeah, men too, why not?) If he/she offers a drink, go right ahead, smile greedily at the Bartender and order two pitchers of whatever it is you're having.  Ask for some spicy, garlic peanuts too.  They can make you hot and sweat some more.
• The "Dance".  If your hunting ground is a club or bar, then invite him/her to dance.  Once you hit the dance floor, I suggest you slither, wriggle, gyrate, bump and grind (feign an epileptic attack dance if you can wing it). Don't leave any room for the imagination, why waste the moment?  Hump his/her leg if you can get this movement to match the beat of the music.
• If all these tips frustrate you in achieving your goal, try "flashing'" (Urban definition)

You remind me of Pokemon, I just wanna Pikachu!

The Rare Kind - Marlene Dietrich, 4th of July Unsung Heroine

Do you remember this woman?  I bet you don't.  Growing up with an Army Dad, you would.

AKA Maria Magdalena Dietrich von Losch
Born: 27-Dec-1901
Birthplace: Berlin, Germany
Died: 6-May-1992
Location of death: Paris, France
Cause of death: Kidney failure
Remains: Buried, Friedhof III, Berlin-Friedenau, Germany
Gender: Female
Race or Ethnicity: White
Sexual orientation: Bisexual
Occupation: Actor
Nationality: Germany

Her biological father was an Army Officer who passed when she was only 11 years old.
I know of Marlene Dietrich from stories handed down by the men in my life. Grandfathers to sons to fathers - and I was told she was a rare breed of woman.  I didn't know what that exactly meant then, but I do now.  Some people choose to remember or best know Dietrich for her fantastic legs; her low, raspy sensual voice, and her trademark cross-gender wardrobe. Albeit, I grew up thinking she is so much more.

I have also learned about her admirable acts of bravery to stay in the forefront with the Army during World War II. I believe to this day Hitler would have loved to put a slug in her head if he had the chance.  She was wooed by the Nazis and could play both fields at war if she wanted to.
Stories have it that she braved sleeping in dirt, scrubbing floors, making hot soup and even took a bath with water from a U.S.soldier's helmet, just like any regular soldier at war.  Then she would be up and about to perform for them, to keep their morale high.  She was, as most people who remember her fondly, "magical."  But not unlike any of our species, she is said to be more an image; larger than life, than real. And I quote her: "I dress for the image. Not for myself, not for the public, not for fashion, not for men. "
Such is stuff that legends are made of;  a continuing conflict between what is and what is not;  what was and what was not.
A most endearing quality of the Dietrich myth is that undefinable "love-friendship" affair she had with Ernest Hemingway*.  (*Yes my dear Virginia, the same Nobel Prize winner in Literature in 1954, the same Ernest, no less). It is believed, as substantiated in the JFK Presidential Library and Museum, where letters between the "Kraut" and her "Papa" reside; (Dietrich was fondly called Kraut by Hemingway and she fondly called him Papa.)

Here is an excerpt of something Hemingway wrote to Dietrich:

"I love you and I hold you tight and kiss you hard.

I can't say how every time I ever put my arms around you I felt that I was home.  I fall in love with you bad and you're always in love with some jerk."

However, they claim their love is mere deep friendship, nothing beyond it. When asked about what really was going on, Hemingway once quipped: 

"'The thing about the Kraut and me, is that we have been in love since 1934, when we first met on the Ile de France, but we've never been to bed. Amazing but true.   Victims of un-synchronized passion.'" 

I can only smile and look at the description, "victims of un-synchronized passion" as words only a great writer like Hemingway can aptly and perfectly say.
I admire the legendary Dietrich for a lot of reasons;  for what she stood for and acted upon, that women of my generation would be too nervous and too risk-averse to dare embrace. She had courage and spunk and talent and beauty. Indeed rare and so few have risen to the same level of mystery and magic that she did. One of Dietrich's quotes about being a woman is among my list of favourites: 

"To be completely woman you need a master, and in him a compass for your life. You need a man you can look up to and respect. If you dethrone him it's no wonder that you are discontented, and discontented women are not loved for long."

But nothing comes close to being described in your life and in death, by the man who can say the most beautiful things in words.

 "If she had nothing more than her voice," said her friend, Ernest Hemingway, "she could break your heart with it."

 And the legend that is Marlene Dietrich lives on.  Happy 4th of July!

Weekend Uppers

Have you ever decided that you will spend an entire weekend in total abandon and be completely care-free?  
You will eat and drink everything imaginable that is sinful, do everything bordering on criminal and get wasted on anything irrelevant and insignificant, just because?  This weekend I plan to do nothing but curl up and watch stupid chick flicks, eat, drink, make some nom-nom cookies, throw my books, sleep, keep my sleepwear on the whole day, dip in the tub if I start to smell my own stink, and do nothing that can be superficially looked at as relevant and life-changing.  It'll be a test for myself.
I thought I may as well share with you a weekend sugar overload recipe (I intend to bake as a treat for ME) that is so criminal and sinful, albeit irresistible and absolutely fattening delightful!
At this point, I would like to invoke my right of free speech in my Blog and be rid of any responsibility or accountability for attendant untoward sugar rushes or inch/pound gain.

Oreo Stuffed Chocolate Chip Cookies

2 sticks softened butter

3/4 Cup packed light brown sugar

1 Cup granulated sugar

2 large eggs

1 Tablespoon pure vanilla

3 1/2 Cups all purpose flour

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon baking soda

10 oz bag chocolate chips

1 bag Oreo Cookies, I used the double stuff 

1.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.   In a stand or electric mixer cream butter and sugars until well combined.  Add in eggs and vanilla until well combined.

2.  In a separate bowl mix the flour, salt and baking soda.  Slowly add to wet ingredients along with chocolate chips until just combined.  Using a cookie scoop take one scoop of cookie dough and place on top of an Oreo Cookie.  Take another scoop of dough and place on bottom of Oreo Cookie.  Seal edges together by pressing and cupping in hand until Oreo Cookie is enclosed with dough.  Place onto a parchment or silpat lined baking sheet and bake cookies 9-13 minutes or until cookies are baked to your liking.  Let cool for 5 minutes before transferring to cooling rack.  

Serve with a tall glass of milk, enjoy!

Makes about 2 dozen VERY LARGE Cookies 

Credits go to: Picky Palate

That one should be relatively easy if you are into cookie baking, but if you want something simpler and promises to give you a glorious "high":

You can opt to use this margarine in any food item of your liking.  Its not my place to tell you how and where. 

Food for Thought for the eternally cerebral:

PHILOSOPHER - a fool who torments himself during life to be wise

ETC. - a sign to make others believe that you know more than you do

Have a heavenly weekend!