Introducing: INTERNET PERSONALITY DISORDERS

I reckon it's about time we hold the bull by the horns.  Given the power and influence of technology, the Internet has become a whole new dimension of humanity's reality. 
Having said that, it was only a matter of time that this "environment" and landscape predisposed Personality Disorders that require careful study and understanding.
I have decided to blaze the trail in this field and my own virtual experiences has given me a fairly good grasp of disorders only known to the Internet mankind. 


Now let us take a careful look at a few that I have encountered and painstakingly analysed:


NUMBER 1: THE INTERNET NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER


Causes:

• Too much Internet time, so little friends; no "real"friends 
• Too much angst, lack of or absence of "real life"; 
• The 3 C's (Constantly, Consistently Constipated)
• Who actually cares?

Symptoms:

• Too much Blog whoring
• Reacts to criticism with rage, shame and humiliation (all emotional rants said in one sentence; for some others, a whole Blog Post)
• Excessive feelings of importance (manages multiple Blogs via multiple hosts; one of which is likely a Blog about him/herself with huge photos of self and About Me videos,; multiple accounts in Facebook, Twitter, tumblr, flickr, the whole nine yards)
• Needs constant attention and admiration (begs for Comments and Followers, or just "begs")
• Believes empathy is a matter of speech deflection or a "regional accent"
• Argues with self; loses argument with self, denies losing the argument

NUMBER 2: THE INTERNET SOCIOPATH PERSONALITY DISORDER


Causes:

• Possibly genetic
• Possibly too much caffeine or alcohol or nicotine or all of the above
• Likely had an abused and unhappy childhood (grew up on Elm Street with Freddy K.)
• Lost a pet in early life, became a proponent of animal cruelty to cope
• Most likely a Taxidermist in real life
• Watched Drew Barrymore's "Firestarter" re-runs more than a dozen times

Symptoms:

• Witty, charming, articulate and exceptional at virtual flattery
• An outstanding "Manipulator"
• Lies about self; Steals others ideas and language even; Fights with anyone who may suspect they are guilty of the first two, often, if not always
• May frequently be angry and arrogant over nothing, including the choice of the best Jelly Beans in the world

NUMBER 3: THE INTERNET HISTRIONIC PERSONALITY DISORDER

Causes:

• Likely to occur more frequently with women users of the Internet albeit the men are no exception
• Can be attributed to early childhood trauma; i.e., constant rejection in the School's Speech and Drama Club
• Sexual frustration

Symptoms:

• Sounds perfectly normal and naturally sensual virtually (could likely be butt ugly in real life)
• Often too dramatic and emotional (ordinarily ends sentences with multiple exclamation points!!!!)
• Is a regular blame-putter; blames everything if anything goes wrong, including the Google server
• May appear pretty shallow, but in reality, IS actually very shallow
• Constantly asks for approval, love and acceptance in any form, any language, and in any way
• AKA the Internet Drama Queen or King or Elvis

NUMBER 4: THE INTERNET SCHIZOTYPAL PERSONALITY DISORDER

Causes:

• Unknown

Symptoms:

• Odd beliefs, odd behavior, odd "speak", just plain, ODD
• Completely preoccupied with CONSPIRACY THEORIES
• Collects all Stephen Spielberg and George Lucas' Alien and Sci-Fi movies and/or books
• Feels genuinely upset they are unable to form and sustain Internet-personal relationships
• May likely have been "abducted" by "them" from out "there"

So far, these are the types I have evaluated.  I would post more as I am still deep into researching and "probing" the few others I have seen.

Just remember, it could be you I am talking about. Mwahahahahaha (evil sinister laughter)