We were born clueless of what is the truth and what is not. I recall however when I was a kid, that generally adults discouraged honesty, in some vague, sordid way.
ADULT: "No don't say she's fat, she's robust." (seriously, she looks like a German tank waddling in heels!)
ADULT: "Do not stare or mention Aunt Lisa's new horrible curls." (how can I if she looks like she electrocuted her wet nose in a socket?)
ADULT: "We're house guests, don't make that face and swallow the food. Smile." (WTF? Hay bale stir-fried in donkey's compost would probably taste sweeter)
So I argue, "But, Mom, we hate those nosy neighbours, why do I need to invite their kid to my kid party? I hate playing with that stinking, snotty kid. He does not even know how to blow his nose! We don't play with him at all." So I get a scolding and am told that those words are not proper and hurtful. Even if they are true. And it is gracious to invite neighbours to your own personal events, even if you hate them, because it is socially proper.
I guess I failed on that note. I grew up getting into major fights and fall outs with family and friends, for calling a spade, a spade. I still have no idea why I should call it otherwise.
So why do we lie? I can think of a few honest reasons why.
- For survival and self-preservation. Yeah because often, the people around us would prefer to be lied to than deal with reality. If your Boss asks if he is right about his decision, you ought to know better that he is always right however warped his mind is. So you lie.
- To save face. A more common face-saving treachery is forgetting the name of the person who just stopped you at the corner Coffee Shop. Whilst he/she rattles off about how long ago you have last seen each other, your brain crashes as it tries to retrieve the Archives but the screen goes blank instead. You nod and agree and pray that the whole agonizing meeting would stop. It does. And you still don't remember who it was. But you shout back, "Yeah, let's have coffee sometime. Keep in touch." Lame. Liar.
- To avoid responsibility. It's lovely to loaf and fool around. When you get confronted you say, "Geesh, I'm swamped and neck-deep with to-do lists, I was trying to swing it but it just didn't pan out." But you didn't. You forgot. Too busy horsing around and just being a sloth. Truth is, you don't even know what you forgot. But you say this without batting an eyelash nor glancing to the right side.
- To avoid confrontation. "The Company has decided to initiate some cutbacks and move in another strategic direction." Truth is, "you suck and you are no better than an incompetent baboon..."
- For personal gain. Or personal interests. Or anything that is centrally about your delusions. Or perhaps because you want to and you can.
- To please people. Generally people love half-truths and lies, even if they are loaded with sarcasm, absurdity and trash. Or you are just a people pleaser and you love being lied to as well.
- Jack Nicholson is right. Always been and always will be.
I think there is a line between honesty, and over sharing. I say the only think worse than unsolicited opinions is someone getting mad when they ask for opinions. If you can't handle the truth, don't ask.
ReplyDeleteThough the kid thing reminded me of my youngest brother. He was three months old and my cousin's girlfriend shaves her eyebrows and paints them on, and they were crooked. I swear, she stared in fascination, wriggling his eyebrows, I guess wondering why hers looked so different. This grown ass woman eventually complained that the baby was making fun of her. "We'll, honey, it should say something if a three month old is looking at your eyebrows thinking DAMN!"
Jamie mon ami, don't you just love kids? They are honest to the bone! Hope all is well and thank you for your comment. Hate people who ask "what to do?" and expect you to lie to them. They should man up and bite the bullet. Oh well, I tell them to "bugger off!" (unless they pay me for advise, of course)
DeleteGood points, but I think you can distill it even further. We all lie because we want to be liked. If the truth might make someone dislike us more, even temporarily, we lie.
ReplyDeleteExcept for me. As a millionaire playboy philanthropist, I have no need for lies.
Addman, what can I say? YOU have always been the exception. No rules, just an exception. I still need to browse over your Blog posts for my usual dose of medication. :) I am highly honoured by your comment Mr. Millionaire.
DeleteWell I'll be damned! I was just thinking of you a couple of days ago and here you are.
ReplyDeleteAs a child, I lied A LOT. It was a way for me to escape the traumas in my life. My made up life, was far more exciting than reality.
Now, I tell it like it is. But occasionally I will tell a little white lie to save someone from feeling hurt. Spawn however, doesn't see the point in lying. In his opinion, if people don't like what he has to say, then tough and it's his direct approach, that surprisingly, has made him very popular among his peers.
Good to hear from ya PB! :)
My dear Lily, I hate to lie (touche') but I stalk your Blog even on mobile. So it must be telepathic, in a sense.
DeleteAn occasional white lie is somehow one of Life's imperatives. It's bad enough that reality sucks, but when someone tells it to your face, not a lot of people can deal with it. When I feel they are sending signals for me to lie, I tell them what they want to hear. But generally with close friends, I just give it to them straight up.
How's Spawn? Yeah, I reckon he would be relied upon as the straight shooter guy. I miss both of you and I hope he is not growing too fast, or is he?
Cheers my dear Lily!
Interesting post.
ReplyDeleteI would NEVER- EVER -In a million years- tell anybody they looked Fat no matter what I thought.
If I had to lie to save somebody's feelings from being hurt, I would! Yes, I would!
Xxx Missed You.