Why My BFFs Are Gay

7 February 2011

Well, why not?

For the few people who really know me, I go by the pet name of "gay magnet".  I grew up as an army brat who enjoys the company of gay men.  Such irony.  I was practically brought up in a male-macho dominated family.  Call it some kind of compensatory complex, but I have more straight men friends and gay friends, than girl friends.

Oh don't get me wrong, I do have girlfriends I will die for and they will likely do the same for me.  But my friendships with my gay BFFs are just a little notch higher in terms of fun, color and even depth.

Honestly, I am surprised why some straight men and straight women don't get it.   My gay best friends are completely eccentric and absolutely lovable.  They generally ramp-walk better; sashay their hips better and even "project" their camera-ready poses loads better than I do, but who gives a s--t?  I would never, ever trade them off.

Here's why:

1. They are fiercely loyal.  Oh hell, they are!!!  If you become a true friend, enemies, BEWARE!  They will claw, spook, and bash my enemies, without my even asking them to.  They can severely damage anyone that crosses me as this translates to crossing them. Its scary sometimes because “hell hath known no fury like a gay scorned.
2. They are honest and direct, and are they direct to the core!  If I want honest feedback on a new 'do or a new wardrobe I bought, and I really need to know the truth, I ask them.  Sometimes the feedback hurls me like a straight punch to my gut, but since I asked, they bring it!  And I need that.  I am often guilty of thinking that if other women can pull that trick or two in a wardrobe or a look, I surely can.  My gay friends bring me back to earth in a manner that if done by a girlfriend, I would have bitch-slapped her to death.

3.  They love to listen to your sob stories.  They are always patient with your quirky-ness and accepting of your weaknesses. They will never judge your stupidity if you fall for the same Mr. Wrong again and again.  Why should they?  Misery loves gay company!  They completely understand it.  You can cry all you want and they patiently wait for you to finish despite your incoherence and smeared make-up.  That’s part and parcel of their endearing quality.  They too, need to be listened to if it’s their turn to sob.

4.  They just know how to cure the blues.  If you’re having a really bad hair day when everything seems to be falling down at the pits, just call your gay BFF.  I fondly call them my 24/7 “uppers”.  At any time of the day you feel like hitting the clubs and having some fun or just need to drown your blues away with good ol’ Jack, they will come running to party with you.  They wouldn’t miss this for their life.  A party will always be a party and any good news or depressing news, is a good reason to party.

·     5.  They make perfect bodyguards, when the need arises.  Perhaps because my gay BFFs are more metro-sexual in their overall look and lifestyle, they are totally buffed and gifted with perfect abs and butts.  All those hours in the gym, (which for them is a lovely place to meet new “prospects”) pay off.  The 21^st century gay is not your traditional, old school “screaming faggot”, as they used to be referred to.  Ah-ah, they definitely aren't those types.  They walk the corporate corridors like I do and they can look straight as a baseball bat if needed.  Since by genetics their chromosomes are still XY, they got your back when they smell a jackass a mile away. 

6.  They’re strongly driven!  They inspire me with their talent, determination and creativity.  If you think it’s tough for women to survive the corporate warfare, it’s a lot tougher to the homosexuals who have decided to be true to themselves and come out of the closet.  It is not easy and they are more often than not, scoffed at, ridiculed, and even insulted to their faces.  They are no different from what any straight man or woman go through, except that they get their share of humiliation twice as much as we all do.  And I  hold the highest respects for those who tread on and succeed.  Getting there, if you're gay, is definitely not an easy ride. 

7.  Last Minute Date.  I just have to add this.  Need a dancing partner?  An open and date-less weekend night?  A formal ball and your boyfriend or husband is too lazy to get all jazzed-up in formal garb?  Attending a  wedding? Craving to watch a chick-flick?  Need a trophy boyfriend to let other girlfriends drool?  Guess who I call?

 Those “haters” and homophobes out there and those bigoted cults that look down, “bully” and harass the members of Steve (note:  Adam, Eve and Steve), just don’t know any better.  They are probably either threatened by their own sexuality or closet “queens’ that still need to gather enough guts to reclaim their queen-ness.

I am so proud of my gay BFFs, they rock my life, they make me feel 100% woman and above all, they give me an entirely new blueprint to the phrase, “It’s A Gay World”! 

Its a Manic Monday.  I'm going to have to call them.  I need a week upper.  Rock on, sisters!