Is a personal journal Blog. My intimate thoughts and ideas, my unanswered questions, even share a bit of what I can do well; just a simple collection of my writings, my paintings, or just me.
We all want to fall in love. Why? Because that experience makes us feel completely alive. Where every sense is heightened, every emotion is magnified, our everyday reality is shattered and we are flying into the heavens. It may only last a moment, an hour, an afternoon. But that doesnt diminish its value. Because we are left with memories that we treasure for the rest of our lives.
I just recently made a Blog Post on why I don't buy into the Valentine Hoop-la. But one thing is sure and I just need to be honest about it, I am a hopeless romantic. My take on LOVE is more than just a greeting card, or a dozen roses, ( I prefer Tulips as a matter of fact), or a box of chocolates that I don't really expect to get on one particular day in February.
Should I get any of the above on a random day, say in September ... that would mean so much more.
Ahh .. but to talk about AMORE.
It is like trying to describe the feeling of riding your first bike; seeing a falling star; Christmas Morning; your first kiss with your childhood crush; first paycheck; walking along the vineyards during summer in the South of France; crawling through the final steps of the Great Wall; your child sleeping on your chest; a snowflake on your tongue; your first puppy's little yelp when he sees you; your kitten purring when you hug her; watching the sun set at Manila Bay; playing with your friends in the rain during a summer break ... I can go on and on, but I would not have come close to what it is that love stirs in our souls that we honestly crave for it however the multiple pieces of broken shards our hearts have become.
Love is like watching a miracle unfold before your eyes. Love after all holds so much breadth and depth that its true meaning if put into words is virtually impossible, if not, feeble and wanting.
I was hoping to be able to write about what LOVE is. I tried.
Here's COLLIDE. For all of the world's romantics like I am.
For the few people who really know me, I go by the pet name of "gay magnet". I grew up as an army brat who enjoys the company of gay men. Such irony. I was practically brought up in a male-macho dominated family. Call it some kind of compensatory complex, but I have more straight men friends and gay friends, than girl friends.
Oh don't get me wrong, I do have girlfriends I will die for and they will likely do the same for me. But my friendships with my gay BFFs are just a little notch higher in terms of fun, color and even depth.
Honestly, I am surprised why some straight men and straight women don't get it. My gay best friends are completely eccentric and absolutely lovable. They generally ramp-walk better; sashay their hips better and even "project" their camera-ready poses loads better than I do, but who gives a s--t? I would never, ever trade them off.
Here's why:
They are fiercely loyal. Oh hell, they are!!! If you become a true friend, enemies, BEWARE! They will claw, spook, and bash my enemies, without my even asking them to. They can severely damage anyone that crosses me as this translates to crossing them. Its scary sometimes because “hell hath known no fury like a gay scorned.
They are honest and direct, and are they direct to the core! If I want honest feedback on a new 'do or a new wardrobe I bought, and I really need to know the truth, I ask them. Sometimes the feedback hurls me like a straight punch to my gut, but since I asked, they bring it! And I need that. I am often guilty of thinking that if other women can pull that trick or two in a wardrobe or a look, I surely can. My gay friends bring me back to earth in a manner that if done by a girlfriend, I would have bitch-slapped her to death.
3. They love to listen to your sob stories. They are always patient with your quirky-ness and accepting of your weaknesses. They will never judge your stupidity if you fall for the same Mr. Wrong again and again. Why should they? Misery loves gay company! They completely understand it. You can cry all you want and they patiently wait for you to finish despite your incoherence and smeared make-up. That’s part and parcel of their endearing quality. They too, need to be listened to if it’s their turn to sob.
4. They just know how to cure the blues. If you’re having a really bad hair day when everything seems to be falling down at the pits, just call your gay BFF. I fondly call them my 24/7 “uppers”. At any time of the day you feel like hitting the clubs and having some fun or just need to drown your blues away with good ol’ Jack, they will come running to party with you. They wouldn’t miss this for their life. A party will always be a party and any good news or depressing news, is a good reason to party.
· 5.They make perfect bodyguards, when the need arises. Perhaps because my gay BFFs are more metro-sexual in their overall look and lifestyle, they are totally buffed and gifted with perfect abs and butts. All those hours in the gym, (which for them is a lovely place to meet new “prospects”) pay off. The 21st century gay is not your traditional, old school “screaming faggot”, as they used to be referred to. Ah-ah, they definitely aren't those types. They walk the corporate corridors like I do and they can look straight as a baseball bat if needed. Since by genetics their chromosomes are still XY, they got your back when they smell a jackass a mile away.
6. They’re strongly driven! They inspire me with their talent, determination and creativity. If you think it’s tough for women to survive the corporate warfare, it’s a lot tougher to the homosexuals who have decided to be true to themselves and come out of the closet. It is not easy and they are more often than not, scoffed at, ridiculed, and even insulted to their faces. They are no different from what any straight man or woman go through, except that they get their share of humiliation twice as much as we all do. And I hold the highest respects for those who tread on and succeed. Getting there, if you're gay, is definitely not an easy ride.
7. Last Minute Date. I just have to add this. Need a dancing partner? An open and date-less weekend night? A formal ball and your boyfriend or husband is too lazy to get all jazzed-up in formal garb? Attending a wedding? Craving to watch a chick-flick? Need a trophy boyfriend to let other girlfriends drool? Guess who I call?
Those “haters” and homophobes out there and those bigoted cults that look down, “bully” and harass the members of Steve (note: Adam, Eve and Steve), just don’t know any better. They are probably either threatened by their own sexuality or closet “queens’ that still need to gather enough guts to reclaim their queen-ness.
I am so proud of my gay BFFs, they rock my life, they make me feel 100% woman and above all, they give me an entirely new blueprint to the phrase, “It’s A Gay World”!
Its a Manic Monday. I'm going to have to call them. I need a week upper. Rock on, sisters!
The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is “What does a woman want?”
SIGMUND FREUD, Ernest Jones' Sigmund Freud: Life and Work
This week has been narrowed down to one word: DONE.
I can not help but feel smug about how we can, and I can, as a woman, deal with all the apparent insurmountable diversity, and come out of it a bit sweaty but otherwise just blowing my bangs off my face.
One of our greatest God-given talents as women, second to the gift of giving birth to another life, is our capability to multi-task. We can finalize an agenda to a meeting talking on the mobile phone, while driving the car and re-touching our mascara, among other things; don't you just love it? Can you tell me another creature that walks the earth (okay, let's keep the discussion to Planet Earth as some of you wise guys will bring the galactic alien crap into this) who can do all this with efficiency?
I did not even count the fact that whilst all of this is going on, a menu plan for dinner has already been concocted in my head!
To be able to do all of these is not amazing. It's regular. I have seen women who go through hell and back, badly scarred and bruised, but hell, they slug their way back and how! It is ironic how this strength and courage has been given to what the world fondly calls as the "weaker" sex.
When I think about the challenges any average woman like myself is faced with, we do a balancing act on a diverse range of roles - a Mom, a professional/executive, a wife, a friend, a cook, a laundrywoman, a party planner or event organizer, a hostess, a bartender, baker, surrogate mother to other kids, an average tutor, accountant, financial analyst, a counselor, gardener, lover, a bodyguard even, a driver .... I can practically go on and on and I am positive I missed out on a lot. But we take these all in, and deliver these roles with only a passion women can relate and understand. We can even take them all simultaneously without losing a single beat! Doesn't that make you proud?
I gloat with the fact that we do have a couple of aces tucked up in our sleeves that men will never understand about women, and since I know they wouldn't bother with my post, dare I expose some of them:
First, the ultimate of all female weapons ever known to MAN, as in the opposite sex, TEARS. Not sobs, please, That is such a put on. Just slow, quiet, deliberate trickles of tears coming down on your face whenever you are about to lose an argument, feel dejected and not get what you want, or you simply want to get away with something criminal.
Tears, yeah, works all the time if you know how to use it sparingly. Minor caveat, using it very often has a downside, it loses its potency. So trust your gut to tell you when you must let a small tear slowly fall down on one cheek.
Second, the "helpless, dumb bitch" act. Admit it, we do this when we need help, feeling a tad lazy, or we just want to end a pathetic argument with a man.. We pretend to be such a sweet and helpless damsel in distress. I still see a lot of these tricks being pulled and funny how it is still selling, mind you.
An added skill to this is that high-pitchy and quivering voice we put on. We can get men to haul ass if they need to with this act. Surely a blue-ribbon taker!
Third (and last, otherwise the entire women-dom will have my ass for exposing these trade secrets), when all appeal to the emotions fail, we use the law of lines and curves. Contrary to popular opinion, women are good in geometry and figures. What's a little skin or cleavage when you are desperate?
Well, whilst these things are mighty compelling tricks for the male species, if you try this on a straight heterosexual female, you'll likely end up with a cigarette heel stuck on your forehead! These tricks will never work with us, we invented them, tested them, and proven their power and effect. It's a house rule.
Being a woman has its ups and downsides. Doesn't really bother me much. I am confident with my limitations because I am a woman and I am not apologetic about it. I am strong where and when it matters to my family and friends. I survived and finished off a major life challenge in the last month with much pain, but barely scarred. I am proud of my kids. And a bit of what they are is because of me. I am proud of where I am in my life and I know I can still reach my peak. I can dream. I have faith. And I have great hopes. I am loved. No one can take those away from me.
But of course, like in any other specie, there are mutations. But that's really a subject of a separate post. I am just happy being a woman.
This post is for a beautiful person, my lovely daughter. And I would love to share with you a song we always sing to get out of our blues. Indulge me.
A daughter is a little girl who grows up to be a friend.
And if we ever leave a legacy it's that we loved each other well. ~Indigo Girls
It was one of those nights when there was nothing much to do.
I guess I must have overheard one of my girlfriends say that Black Swan is a definite must-see.
So I did watch it.
I was ready to be bored out of my wits, with the usual love story, fairy tale, happy ever after Disney musical or dance operetta or what have you. The opening sequence came out and mildly shocked me.
The Story of Swan Lake, the Ballet, is probably 2-3 decibels away from the plot of Black Swan and the only similarity I saw was Ballet. I took that opening scene as a signal that this was going to be one of those movies I would likely be thinking about for awhile even way, way after the closing credits.
If you half expected the same thing I did from this movie, or because some wannabe movie critic friend of yours tells you the movie brought some hair-raising moments, don’t look for vampires who will suck your blood dry or zombies who refuse to die, to terrify you in this film. Nothing in this movie qualifies to categorize it in the horror genre, the likes of James Cameron or Wes Craven creations. Nor should you expect blood, gore and in your face nudity typical of Tarantino or Robert Rodriguez.
The Black Swan is so dark it will scare you of its darkness.
If you are planning on watching Black Swan and appreciating this based on its own merits, then I refuse to be seduced to tip you off with the movie’s story line. But the depth and breadth of the human emotions displayed were deep and profound – the power of ambition, to dream; love and jealousy; friendship and betrayal; unconditional, suffocating love and lust; it’s got everything … the whole enchilada. I would venture to say it is a very impactful psychological thriller.
My friends were all eager to ask me how I thought about the movie. I was groping for answers I used another Disney Movie and said, “My brain got Tangled”.
I could only say that Mila Kunis is totally hot; and that I couldn’t remember the name of the actor-dancer, who is the father of Natalie Portman’s child. But this I can tell you, Natalie Portman’s acting was impeccable, faultless, effective and rightfully deserving of accolade, even a 2nd Oscar. She was just powerful in this film. So powerful I can no longer imagine her as Queen Amidala.
"I will not condone an action that will lead us to war" - Queen Amidala (The Phantom Menace)
This movie will disturb you. It will challenge your revered logic and sensibilities. The challenge it poses to your ego is so strong it will hit you right in your inner core only Freud can help you soothe it. The movie is somehow intrusive. It claws its way into the recesses of your dark side you are too flustered to admit existed. Above all, it is masterfully executed you feel a tad discomfit you actually relished its mystery. I did. Practically reveled in its invasiveness.
It is a beautiful movie. I wish I have the right words to describe how wickedly this film through dramatic, impressive visuals and outstanding actors’ performances, brought to cinema the dynamics and complexities of the human mind.
Being a woman has its ups and downsides. Doesn't really bother me much. I am confident with my limitations because I am a woman and I am not apologetic about it. I am strong where and when it matters to my family and friends. I survived and finished off a major life challenge in the last month with much pain, but barely scarred. I am proud of my kids. And a bit of what they are is because of me. I am proud of where I am in my life and I know I can still reach my peak. I can dream. I have faith. And I have great hopes. I am loved. No one can take those away from me. 
