Friday, July 8, 2011

Flirting - An Art, A Sport, An Instinct

Everyone flirts.  It is a basic instinct and is part of human nature.  Well that's how I take it as a lifetime student of the social sciences.  Some oddly revolutionary behaviourists even believe that "flirting" is the foundation of civilization; they argue that the achievements of man from the purest art form to rocket science is merely a side effect of our ability to charm.
How is to FLIRT defined?


1 intr to behave or act amorously without emotional commitment; toy or play with another's affections; dally
I find it quite interesting to see that indeed there are so many Self-Help guides and eHow Tips on Flirting when it is supposed to be a natural, daily activity of human beings. Well let's face it, there are "unwritten" rules on the fine etiquette of flirting and however tangled, by instinct, we all behave around the basic parameters on where, when, in what manners and with whom do we flirt.  I consider these rather eccentric and amusing.  We realize to our greatest dismay, when we breach the fine prints of this unwritten rule book, that this can result to considerable embarrassment. (I am happy to have an honest 100% success batting average, just sayin'.)  Confusing societal norms, particularly true in cultures like North America and Britain, where the term "flirting" has oddly acquired a very bad meaning; can render everyone clueless in the playing field, and you could either end up with your signals misread or read the others signals wrongly. 
Fundamentally, we shouldn't lose sight of the fact that flirting is a fine art since it is all about attitude, style, finesse' and panache'. It is also a sport because of the element of play, risks, fun, adventure, and above all, practice.  At the end of the day, however you argue with me, the victor in the flirting arena lands a score.
The more important question then should be, how does one increase his/her chances of success and triumph?  
Well for starters, some people flirt for the fun of it.  And if you are just looking for fun, then there are no hard and fast rules on the best ways to  successfully flirt.  The more you break the rules, the more fun you get.
However, if you flirt with intent, then we move to the Idiot's Guide to Flirting.
I am really better on How Not To Tips than How To's. So here is my sure-fire simple Guide on How To Be An Epic Fail Flirt.

  • The Attitude. Be an uncool nervous wreck. "Jitters" all the way. Sweat excessively, shake uncontrollably, stutter and stammer your first lines on contact.  Sweaty hands and clammy fingers are the best handshakes. At least 2% will fall for this.  Mostly people within the same level of attractiveness like yourself.  I am sure you can't look that bad.
  • The Pick-Up-Line. Experts claim this never really worked.  'Nuff said. I suggest - Be creative. Try something new and fresh like, "Excuse me, but you have a Beep on your nose"; "What?"; Reach up and squeeze his/her nose, then go .."BEEP!"
  • The Eye Contact.  Well I can understand why everyone in the game would love to check out and see the entire merchandise. Thus, for the men; ogle and drool at the decolette', cleavage and derrière'; for the women, look at him straight in the eye, then down to his neck, slowly down to his chest, belt and crotch, and stay there, stare. Even if you are already having a conversation, just stare - there.
  • The "Touch". Look, why bother with a subtle, preening touch when you can grope?  Grab all the sexy parts you can, on every opportunity you get, and squeeze it to show your appreciation.
  • The Drink.(for the ladies, yeah, men too, why not?) If he/she offers a drink, go right ahead, smile greedily at the Bartender and order two pitchers of whatever it is you're having.  Ask for some spicy, garlic peanuts too.  They can make you hot and sweat some more.
  • The "Dance".  If your hunting ground is a club or bar, then invite him/her to dance.  Once you hit the dance floor, I suggest you slither, wriggle, gyrate, bump and grind (feign an epileptic attack dance if you can wing it). Don't leave any room for the imagination, why waste the moment?  Hump his/her leg if you can get this movement to match the beat of the music.
  • If all these tips frustrate you in achieving your goal, try "flashing'" (Urban definition)
You remind me of Pokemon, I just wanna Pikachu!


  1. When did you start following me around and taking notes on my technique:P

  2. haha Jamie. I was stalking you, scribbling fast notes and making a video. I am good at being unnoticed. hehehe
    Why are you "Anonymous" again?

  3. It comes and goes. some days google likes me. Some days it doesn't.

  4. Geesh, now I can see you!
    What is going on? google seems to be in a constant state of flux. Now I can't see my Followers on my other Blog. Creepy.

  5. I think you have to know what type of person it is your flirting with. Cold flirts can be dangerously weird and misunderstood. I was at a wine bar last weekend and outside when i was leaving the waitress said to me " if you give me a good b j I'll let you f me." she was kind of pretty and we talked a tiny bit at the bar but that really freaked me out.
    I have no idea what she meant. I better start going out more because i just laughed and left with my friends and said see you around.Did she think I was gay or something or was she flirting or what I dont know? I was with a few other people mea and women at the time, just friends. Weirdest thing that has happened to me in a while.

  6. when i was a kiddie, i had this turd of a boyfriend, and he was unashamedly a flirt to the nth degree. it was embarrassing for me. and pissed me off, because he'd be an ass about it. but we were young, and that was then.
    i had this delusion that i was not a flirt- and i held onto that idea for years.
    now i know and love that i am a flirt.
    what great fun.
    no harm, no herps... just a wink here and there.

  7. River: now I think that is not being "playful" at all. There is such a thing as being a natural flirt and being a slut. You have to be able to discern the difference.
    Hey violet, yeah, I am a natural at this flirting game. Growing up as one of the pack taught me some very good skills to lure a pack into my lair. It's fun, and true, just set your boundaries! Flirt on sister!

  8. I don't think people even realise when they are flirting these days, well, I definitely don't. It's all so innocent! I'm probably going to have to try out some of the ideas on 'epic fail guide' - amazing!

  9. Its not like that ever happened before or likely to ever happen again but it wasn't a turn on to me, and she may have even been a shemale for all I know! Anyhow, I loved the humour in this post!
    its worth to read over and over again. <3
    Crying With A Sense Of Human


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