Friday, August 3, 2012

The Fb Abomination

I do have a Facebook account. I still remember the day when a couple of well-meaning kids decided to create me one. Technically, I had two friends. 
Suddenly, a long unseen bestie sent me an "Inbox" message. I was thrilled. She said she was tracking me down for some kind of a get-to after having lost touch since our University days, and was surprised to find that I do have an Fb account up. She jokingly added she didn't have the heart to see me with ONLY 2 friends. That's how I started my Fb journey.

Call me a noob but I always believed that a social networking site, is as designed and intended, for "social networking." How this site turned out to be people's personal diaries/journals documenting tons of epic failures, fugly photographs and stupid updates, I really don't know. 
However, there are certain things I do know.

  • What you had for breakfast, lunch and dinner posted on your wall courtesy of Instagram is of no interest to me. As a matter of fact, it only gives everyone who can read your posts, a very vivid picture of how your poop is going to churn out at the end of the day. Tofu is very fascinating. Really.

  • When you are in the mood to display some ignorance, do you really have to have the rest of the public, aka as your Fb friends, agonize over your stupidity? And you even have the temerity to "Like" your own update? That's short of stroking yourself in public.

  • Whilst I believe in self-love as the foundation of being able to give love to others, it does not include having to withstand pictures upon pictures of your fugly face and fugly children in annoying and repugnant poses. I personally think to "Dislike" it would mean judging your gene pool, but I do fervently wish someone else will finally tell you to please Stop it already! Now unless your kids are between the ages of 2 weeks old to about 36 months (particularly hugging pets), people might still all go "Aww..." But when they're 18 years old and damn, starting to look like they are pushing 40, do you really have to post their pics on your wall? They probably have their own Fb account for crying out loud! I could always choose to Un-friend or Block you, but where's the fun in that? Watching other people delude themselves gives me a helluva kick!

  • Relationships, as I heard, have been either built or ruined via the infamous Relationship Status on Facebook. What's with that? I reckon this appeals to the voyeur in all of us, we want to see how things can turn from damned Fail to Epic Fail!

Maybe I am just sick of seeing how old "real-life" friends have turned out to be detestable creatures and these newfound Fb friends, given the virtual nature of the relationship, turn out to be more like-able! Odd but just keeping it real.

And yes I am keeping my Facebook account. Why not? I don't want to lose such an entertaining medium. Between the news, television, books and the cinema, reading my News-feeds on Fb is such a cheap therapeutic alternative.

I even have a Twitter account just to keep myself in the loop on what's trending in terms of the latest #. If you have no idea what a hashtag is, go twit!

Many thanks to


  1. Although I'm on Facebook, and I constantly moan about Facebook, I've never really got on with Twitter. It just seems like Facebook statuses and nothing else. I suppose I should give it a try and stop being a boring fart.

  2. I haven't gotten on Twitter either. I did read somewhere that 20 percent of all failed marriages blame FB for their ruin. Personally, I feel it is a necessary evil. The biggest benefit I get from FB is staying up to date with family members who don't live near me. It's pretty embarrassing when you attend family functions and you don't know which kid belongs to which adult. Thank you FB for filling in the gaps of my family's procreation!

  3. Facebook; that car crash you can't quite look away from.

    1. I wrote a book which criticizes Facebook and social media in general, and still I have an account. I say to myself that I have it for marketing purposes for my book, but who am I kidding? Car crash! Right on!

  4. I admit that although i am not the neo-ludite I once was, I still am not one of the Fb clan.

    I think I may implode reading that shit. No need for me to see if an ex is in a new relationship or who is planning another ugly baby. Sounds slightly addictive and dangerous.

    I'd rather smoke.

  5. I've noticed a steady decline among my "friends" in the type of navel-gazing posts you are bemoaning. But not to worry, Facebook itself is compensating by increasing auto-posts by apps and games, with "off" buttons that are getting more opaque by the day.

    I suspect that this is an effort to maintain total post stats so that Facebook looks healthier than it really is, at least to those not familiar with the phrase attributed to Disraeli about the three kinds of lies.

    The good news is that when we all finally get bored with Facebook and go outside for some fresh air, the post-bots will keep it going in our absence. But this begs the question, "If an app posts on my Timeline and there is nobody there to read it, does anyone still not give a crap?"

  6. Omg I played with your ......... cat and it purred and meowed !! anywho I have facebook because most people at work have it, so I know in advance who I'm on shift with, and can prepare myself mentally for a good day or bad.

    Most of the people on there are fecking Idiots, they do my head in, but I do like to wind them up when I'm bored.

  7. I personally hate the "Like if.." status updates and pictures on FB.
    "Like if you love your ___(fill in the blank)___"
    "Like if you ever ate ___(fill in the blank)___"
    "Like if you think ___(fill in the blank)___"
    Facebook = virtual mental mastrubation

  8. --Love the look of you new site! So Prettttty.

    I put such awesome photos or quotes on my facebook sometimes that I actually LIKE my own status!


    Xx KIsss

  9. I hate the guilt posts. You know the old "97% won't repost", or the "if you don't repost I guess I'll know how you feel", or shit like that. No, even if I agree 100% I will not repost something with a guilt trip built in.

  10. I have successfully avoided FB but have gone whole hog on Google+. Some how it seems cooler than FB. And less annoying. I just started using Twitter. Seems ok.

  11. I had to steal that picture about not changing your status to orphan when you fight with your parents :) so funny!


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