Depression and Humour: Odd Couple

I am probably one of the many people in the world that is still reeling from the death of one of the most loved actors of all time: Robin Williams.  People have associated his death with a severe case of clinical depression, as he took his own life.  

Many people scoff at the term, depression, but you see here; we get mood swings, we feel sadness, we feel disappointed with continuous struggles in life. But depression is so much more.  Depression is a combination of genes, chemistry and environment and it is clearly a complex mental health disorder that does not spare anyone wealthy, prominent, or even successful.

I grew up fascinated with this gentleman; back in the days of "Mork and Mindy" where he became every household staple comedian extraordinaire. There is always something deeply profound and intense in the character of comics, Mr. Williams included. I have this premise that the funnier they are, the lonelier they could be inside. But they shield it so well with humor, irony and sarcasm. Studies have disproved this, I just happen to believe that because comics need to find funny and laughable materials from their own lives, that could seriously be very depressing.

The real crux of the matter is when does one hit rock bottom, feeling empty, and totally worthless, to take your own life? 

Earlier on in my life, I took off hurriedly away from a lifetime of clinical practice because the patient I thought we were gaining ground in our sessions together, took her own life right after Christmas. She was a teenager and a week away from being discharged. I could not wrap myself around what just happened, where I failed, where I went wrong, where I could have been better at? I just lost it. And much like Robin Williams, there is something utterly romantic about hanging yourself, because she did just that, too. Physically harming yourself to feel pain is unfathomable; the depths of which only the clinically depressed can relate with.

I was reading this book by Ned Vizzini, a gifted talent and a great writer. The Book's Title is "It's Kind of a Funny Story" and it has been made into a movie.

The Book (I reckon also the movie as I have not seen it) is largely based on the author's 5-day stay at the loony bin, and you're right; for clinical depression and suicidal thoughts. It is an honest, touching and really funny read.  But you see here, years after the book and the movie was out, sometime December 2013, Ned jumps off from his apartment building in Brooklyn. He was 32 years old.

I still don't get it. I probably never will as I already failed the first time. I just think there is so much tragedy around us and so much comedy.  Perhaps it is easier for escapists like me to just laugh at the tragedies.  What is not to laugh about?

Or maybe I just love life (and hate pain).  Or maybe because life is already too short for a lot of us to make it spectacular or make a difference. Maybe both Robin and Ned found the way to make a difference in their lives that it was just about the right time to make a wonderful exit. 

Nah ... there are a million ways to end a life, and to take your own is not in any way romantic, wonderful or even courageous. And the irony of it all, Ned ends his book repeating this 4-letter word again and again: LIVE.  Here's to Life!

New Chapters, Second Chances

Once in a while, rare and far between, some individuals are given a second shot.

A very, very dear friend of mine, will soon be a couple of air miles away from home. An entirely new experience for her. It is a bitter-sweet feeling for me. It is sweet in the sense that I know this is something she has to do, must do, now. Bitter in the sense, that however happy you are of events that happen to kindred spirits, they will always be missed by your soul. But like I always said, there are no goodbyes among friends. It should always be, "See you when I see you."

There is no doubt that amongst us all, we have friends who are the perennial rolling stones. However, there will almost always be the one friend who opts and prefers to stay grounded in the comforts of home.  For some people it is a preference. For some others, it is the best choice under certain circumstances. When the unlikely opportunity arises to live your life the way you always wanted it to be, certain that looking back is only an option for cowards, and moving on to a totally different world that is absolutely risky and terrifying, armed only with a leap of faith, I probably would still say, "jump!" Perhaps because some wise dude once said, the best second shot is when you have the moment to craft not a new beginning, but a new ending. Maybe not a perfect ending, but the right one.

If there is anyone at all who deserves and earned the right to make your ending right, my dear "evil twin sister", you do.

I promised my friend I would Blog some more. And that I would write a series dedicated for people who are either victims or still trying to survive the evil in the hearts of men in Corporations, and I will do that. Except that at the moment, my muse has inspired me to devote this post for her. And when my words are not enough, I rely on the tried and tested quoting a Quote some wiser guy had already concocted.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I have decided to attach this link to a historical post I made  likely a century ago in dog years:  21st Century Rules in the Workplace

The Link, true to form, is a complete disconnect to Second Chances. But who knows, you might just be inspired to look for your own.  It is part of my promise to talk about Survival Tips in the world of Plutonomy.

Desidera-whut?

I was driving one day around the neighbourhood. When something glittery caught my eye. Down the block it seems we have new folks moving in. The couple must be somewhere in their mid-60's or something like that and they were both busy cleaning up the landscape and putting up bold gold letters onto their fence that spelled... D E S I D E R A T A!

You have to be kidding me! A true-blue quarter storm, age of Aquarius couple? They must have decided it is their life statement, I mean, to have it plastered on your front lawn for everyone to see and take notice!


I seldom do a double-take (particularly when I am behind the wheel) but the visual I saw immediately transported me back to the memory of my Literature class where I remember being forced to read the poem again and again; cull the best insights from each line by this Professor whom we believed to must have been Hitler's wife in her past life!


Well of course the words just echoed in my hollow head, with hardly any meaning. I would love to discuss it now, yeah, bring it! Today, I know what the message is. What it has always been. 


Back then, it was torture to hear her screech at every attempt at a profound insight from me or my classmates. We were pretty lame to say the least. Honestly, at 14, "placid" was not even in my vocabulary of significant words to live by.


Unless aided by what we currently call today as 'medicinal herbs', how would you expect average teenage girls who are barely starting to manage with hormones without breaking out into massive acne attacks, to relate with such esoteric, moving lines, such as:

At my best then, I just knew that the word itself must be LATIN. Literally translated, it means, "desirable things". Desirable? How could chocolates and men not be included? Or just plain vanilla and chocolates? It was just way beyond my comprehension.


Couple of years later, when I chanced upon this prose poetry by Max Ehrmann, the words begun to breathe. And this time, I didn't need an Eva Braun to scream in my face to think and delve deeply into my soul for a meaning. I gave the words their meaning and somewhere along the way I realized I must have grown up.


I have no doubt that whilst DESIDERATA was, once upon a time, a mantra, a philosophy or a devotion (that time when people believed in making love and not war; that life is about taking things in stride and making time to smell the roses; each individual is intrinsically good; heroism and magnanimity is commonplace, respect and humility is a norm, and that the world is a happy place to be born in); today, this very moment, the memory of my Literature class has become more real and more apt. The words in the poem have lost their capacity to move people's hearts and our souls cringe at the possibility of being touched by it. Such tragedy. I would hate to admit this to "Eva" but when I saw the word proudly displayed on that wall, I just had to read it again.


Go placidly amidst the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its shams, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

And I made a mental note to myself, perhaps one of these days, it will be nice to meet up with the new neighbours. I underscored the note with "listen" for they must be wise in their years, just as boldly as they declared their Life's philosophy.

When Life Gives You Lemons

It has been awhile since my last post. The last one on this Blog was aptly a ranting.
I have been rather busy fire-fighting in real life. Like the old adage goes, "When life gives you a basket of lemons ... it's called a Lemon Rampage."

I don't recall who originally said this quote, maybe you do. I know I heard it before from my Grandma, my Mom, a couple of friends, and it gets quoted time and again, probably until you get to experience it for real. I reckon when you begin to feel like a sourpuss, then the lemon must have hit you for real.


I find it rather amusing to watch how life's twists and turns happen to people. There will always be elements of either delight or pleasant surprise, or frustration and disgust. Except when life happens to me personally, and I don't get what I expected and planned for, in a series of unfortunate circumstances, the humour escapes me.


So here I am, a couple of weeks before my birthday, trying to mull my life's "Corona with a Lemon Twist." (I used to call it "birthday blues" as back when I was kid, I had the most annoying ritual of getting a little sick before my birth day actually happens.) In a moment of weakness I told myself maybe I should stop "hoping" and dreaming, as my frustrations seem to get a life if its own acquiring strength and power along the way. Then I remembered these very words, "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade."


And in a rarer moment of lucidity, I decided to actually use my head to seriously think about how I am coping with my life's frustrations. Not that I don't use my head to think, but my head is mostly filled with trivia and songs that to utilize higher brain functions such as evaluate and discern, gives me serious migraine headaches.


I started by bringing out my favourite Tequila, salt and a couple of lemon slices. to make my own version of Lemonade. And with all the wisdom and intellect I could muster, I asked myself some process questions that will help me better understand what I am dealing with and how I am coping with it:

• Am I overrating a small problem and making it too big to have a solution? Or do I already have a solution except that I haven't acquired the patience to wait for the solution to happen?
• I doubt I am the only one in the entire universe of mankind who has to deal with their fair share of challenges and there are a lot more in worse situations than I am. Then why do I react like the world is against me and my life is completely ruined? As a matter of fact, my life is not ruined at all. I like to think I am suffering because the attention I get feeds my ego.
• Should I not be looking at what I have learned and how much I have gained since I am  totally getting stretched and not many people have the same challenging opportunities than what I am facing? I have grown in leaps and bounds in the past months than in all of my lifetime and I have lived to Blog about it. I am not sick, my faculties are intact, and I can still sing and dance if I want to.
• And perhaps the best thing I can take away from all of these is that certainly in life, we do not always get what we want. Sometimes, even what we love and need get taken away from us yet it does not mean we should stop breathing.

There is no substitute to acceptance borne from clarity enabled by a shot of Tequila.

Yeah, life can be very hard and depressing. 

People can be so disappointing. Sometimes, friends let you down instead of lift you up. Sometimes the very people you have helped in the past will turn their backs on you when you need them or worst, will take you down. A lot more people can really be heartless and mean, I choose not to be like anyone of that breed.

However, it is during these times that I find it important to own up to what I am feeling at the moment, not to dwell on it but to know that it is happening and that I am hurting. It is equally important too to embrace the reality that there are certain issues out of my control but in time, they will all pass.

Whatever it is that seems to be unresolved going on in our lives will soon have their own resolutions, in time. 

Nothing is permanent. Everything is temporary.

Today, more than ever, I recognize the transitory nature of every matter and every circumstance in the universe and I find the whole concept absolutely redeeming.

The truth is, I really prefer lime to lemonade with my tequila. Salut!

Sometimes Being Nice Sucks

Being a douche and an asshole, and not caring for anyone or anything at all, is way too easy. That would explain the proliferation of this species in the humanity-dom.


Who cares if more than half the people in the world is starving? That the homeless should be sheltered; the substance abusers must be rehabilitated and that the ghetto children deserve health and education? Or if the overweight people are bullied and are bound to slit their wrists in the next day or two because they feel unloved? That those anorexics-emo-turds deserve to be flushed out of the world so they don't litter their sorry skeletal bones all over the place? Or that being ugly does not really matter, it's what inside that counts? That racism and segregation still truly exists? Bullshit!

Do you know that caring is frickin' tiring? Being fair allows other people to step all over you. Being honest helps you lose the race and any other competition. Living true to your values and life principles make you lame. Trusting that other people will tend for you in your time of crisis and need is inevitable given that you extended an arm and a leg (and a torso) to help them out when they were rock bottom. Fuck that!


It was your choice or your nature to be good and nice to people. But to expect people to care just as much, are you kidding me? Grow up! You are likely to be the prime target of scam artists and parasites who will suck the life out of you. 

Fine so you sleep with a smile, but who the hell cares if you're smiling?


Yeah I know, I am ranting and frothing at the mouth.
There are days when it's a lot better to behave like a bitch and be true to form. It's too easy and too much fun.


Honestly? 
It really breaks my heart to see more and more people succumb to the easy way following the rules of life in general. The few people who try to do good and have a heart, continuously get punished and suffer for good intentions. The last one that ever walked this earth was stoned and crucified.


This reality leaves very little option for people who try to have a decent life or for a lot more, who just try to survive.


What am I saying here? I don't know. really. All I know is that I try to live by my choices and how I choose to behave. And in return, I fend for myself and I trust myself to do great things for me. Sure I still care, as a matter of fact, I care too much. However, that will never stop me for looking out for myself when I need to. Just a reality check. Painful but I am just keeping it real.