Sunday, October 9, 2011

Veni. Vidi. Latri. (I came. I saw. I rant.)

Whilst I prefer to argue that as an individual, I have an extremely high tolerance for quirks, deviations, atrocities including what would normally be considered, criminal; certainly I do have my own share of totally 'bad hair' moments.
There are just days that you wake up from a horrifying nightmare that you are surrounded by evil, sinister creatures that are about to get you, then realise, in your actual waking hours, that there ARE evil, sinister creatures about to get you!

Much has been written about families, but amongst these, here is my favourite quote from someone who ironically chose to remain nameless:
"Families are like fudge - mostly sweet, with a few nuts."
Or said another way, "You can pick your friends.  You can pick your nose.  But you can't pick your family and your friend's nose."

Now that's awfully displaced, but like I said, the nuts in the bloodline are given albeit some are acquired by affinity. However I try my best to ignore their very existence, there are just times they crawl under my skin!

I have my fair share of the hypochondriacs in the family. 
Geesh, enough already! If you're really dying because of all the complicated diseases that semi-paralysed you, can't you just be sick quietly and gracefully? I enjoy spicing my meals with Red Wine but not with graphic descriptions of what the freakin' endoscopy found in your gut! I don't understand why every family 'get-to' needs to be ruined by the latest "lump" you found in your armpits!

I hate to mention them on this post because they love being talked about. This creepy family member is so self-absorbed they incessantly babble about their "own realities" that no body really cares about. What really gets me, are the 1-2 other family members who actually pretend to listen to your stupid stories. They don't really care, you know, and they are bored out of their wits but chose to listen to you than watch the DVD re-run in the Family Room and too damn lazy to help out in the kitchen. You are NOT the centre of the universe! Not yesterday nor today or ever!

Oh did you know that the most primitive of all defence mechanisms is denial
If you don't have the gall to admit to your own family you had something fixed, why have it fixed?
C'mon, admit it! You had botox injections! How else do you explain those displaced bulges and your sudden incapability to show expressions such as fear, joy, sadness, amongst others? Why do you have a permanent 'overwhelmed' look? Or is that a smile or a grimace? Okay if nobody else will tell you, I will. One word my dear Aunt, FAIL!

And to that breed of young humans sitting in the corner chewing a blade to get some attention, Yes you, I am talking to you. Why do you see anybody else in the shadows behind you? Snap out of it or I will shoot you myself! And get a haircut.

I have a couple of good reasons why I often shun family reunions. I do have a wonderful family I love. But it's a shameful dishonesty to say I love them all. Except they are just there. Sometimes funny. Other times, interesting. Often, just a nightmare.


  1. Were you following me yesterday? LOL, Thanksgiving at my Aunt's, IDENTICAL. GOD my mom's side of the family is scary.

  2. Don't know how I missed this quote earlier..."You can pick your friends. You can pick your nose. But you can't pick your family and your friend's nose." A very scathing post, nonetheless..

  3. Brilliant post!

    Will be using the line,"snap out of it or I will shoot you myself," to the Lil man. Absolutely priceless!!

  4. Hmm...I think perhaps we are related. It sounds like we have some family members in common.

  5. ah family.

    yeah ... i only have a few that i will hang around ... the 'crazy' ones.

    the 'insane' ones i steer clear of.

  6. Jamie, my maternal side puts the Addams Family to shame.
    Pradhan, yeah, it's a sick quote it stuck with me.
    Lily, I have no doubt it'll be your words for the week.
    DCG: always thought we were blood kin.
    Big A, I do try my very best to stay away, sometimes I give in just for the kicks!

  7. I love my family. Families completely suck. Both statements are equally true.

  8. another great ost pbb,
    9 in my immediate family and i am the only crazy one, everyone else is mentally ill...but we all get along somehow :))

  9. I'm getting the impression from this post that something recent has happened within your family that has caused you to turn to blogger to vent about odd family members? I'm glad you did because it just comes to show that nobody's family is perfect! My favorite part was the Dr. Evil picture :D I'm not sure if I'll ever look at baldness the same way again...


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